


would roses bloom

by cyrusthegoodman



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 18:13:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18349028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyrusthegoodman/pseuds/cyrusthegoodman
Summary: Cyrus was tired of endings; tired of everyone walking out on him when he needed them the most. Tired of promising people forever and them deciding it’d be better if it was never. There were times he found love, and times his love left him cold and broken-hearted. What was the point in the beginning if it was ultimately going to end? There wasn’t. There never was, and there was never going to be.Title comes from Six Feet Under by Billie Eilish





	would roses bloom

Although cliché, beginnings and endings are always certain. People walk in just as easily as they walk out. They promise to stay forever, only to leave a minute later. Is there even a point in doing anything when life is just a series of beginnings and endings that ultimately end when you die?

Cyrus was tired of endings; tired of everyone walking out on him when he needed them the most. Tired of promising people forever and them deciding it’d be better if it was never. There were times he found love, and times his love left him cold and broken-hearted. What was the point in the beginning if it was ultimately going to end? There wasn’t. There never was, and there was never  _ going  _ to be.

Spring flowers and walks through the park became an engraved image in Cyrus’s head. Every day, he would quickly walk to meet Jonah after his frisbee practice. They would sit in the middle of the field and look up at the clouds. They both thrived in the company of the other. That’s what best friends did. Best friends. Nothing more, nothing less, regardless of how much Cyrus hoped for it to be more.

“What do you think that cloud looks like?” Cyrus asked, his arm stretching towards the sky. It was fitting because he felt like he was flying. His family always told him your first love was never meant to last, but in times like this, he allowed himself to believe - even if just for a moment - that this could be forever. He thought of them, one day, holding hands and walking through museums. He would tell Jonah fun facts about dinosaurs and Jonah would make stupid puns that made him laugh like Jonah was the funniest person in the world. Jonah would quietly hum songs to himself as Cyrus would swing their arms back and forth because  _ wow this boy is the most captivating thing ever and I want everyone to know he’s mine _ .

“It kinda looks like a duck,” Jonah suggested. In his mind, this moment was far from romantic. The only things he could imagine him and Cyrus doing were the things they already did. He didn’t have any dreams or spend hours and hours thinking about the things they could do together. They were friends. Jonah could go to Cyrus with anything he needed, and he made sure Cyrus knew he could do the same. Instead, his mind was occupied with feelings about Cyrus’s best friend. Cyrus didn’t  _ know  _ this, and Jonah remained steadfast in his promise to himself to never tell Cyrus. For all he knew, Cyrus could tell Buffy and that would be the end of it. He would lose his crush  _ and  _ his best friend.

“You’re so lame.” Cyrus laughed, lowering his hand back to fold his hands on his chest. For just a moment, he tilted his head  _ just enough  _ to see Jonah from the corner of his eye. Why did he have to look so beautiful when he was happy. Everything about him was just mesmerizing: his smile, the way his eyes had sparkles when the sun reflected in them.

“Don’t be mean,” Jonah teased, using the back of his hand to hit Cyrus gently in the arm.

“I could never be mean to you,” Cyrus said, basically whispering. He wasn’t intending to be that vulnerable in saying it, but it came out far too genuine for his liking. He hoped Jonah didn’t notice, which wouldn’t be too much of a long shot. Jonah wasn’t the most observant person in the world. That was one of the things Cyrus liked most about him. He was so oblivious that it was adorable; the look on his face when he finally understood what was going on, the way his eyebrows would raise just the slightest bit when he was confused, and everything else in between.

“I’m happy to hear that,” Jonah commented, a slight laugh escaping his mouth, “You should be, though. Sometimes I need someone to keep my ego in check.” Buffy. That’s the only person Jonah could think about. He loved the way she would be honest with him; always calling him out on what he was doing wrong. He loved how they would jokingly insult each other for hours on end. The last person running through his mind was Cyrus, even though he seemed to be the only one who could occupy Cyrus’s.

A few months and a lot of pining later, the two found themselves searching for books at the library. Romantic, right? They were working together on a school project and the teacher made it a requirement that they had to use at least one resource that  _ wasn’t  _ the internet. 

“World War II...” Cyrus whispered, trying to make sure he didn’t forget the whole reason they were there. Sometimes when his mind wandered too far, it led to him getting entirely distracted and off topic. It was especially bad when Jonah was around.

As if fate destined it, both of their eyes landed on a book prospect at the same time. They reached forward, their hands meeting on the book. Instead of pulling back immediately, Cyrus let his hand linger just for a moment longer. He thought maybe Jonah wouldn’t notice… but he did. He didn’t even have to say anything, but the confused look that Cyrus knew and loved was painted all over the boy’s face.

“Jonah…” Cyrus sighed, looking everywhere except for Jonah’s face. He couldn’t do that right now, especially considering he was going to have to explain himself. He didn’t want to, but he knew Jonah was an inquisitive person. There was about a ten percent chance that he would just let it go, but Cyrus made it far too obvious that he wanted to hold Jonah’s hand right then and there.

“Yeah?” He could tell Jonah wasn’t  _ mad _ , but he wasn’t certainly thrilled either. His face was virtually unreadable.

“Can we go outside and talk?” Cyrus asked, trying to buy himself more time. He wanted to make sure he said everything right because the last thing he wanted to do was lose his crush. His best friend. The boy he was in love with.

“Sure.”

The two boys walked outside in complete silence; a rarity between the two. Usually, their silence was filled with unspoken words. It was easy when they were so comfortable around each other. That’s why it was so hard for Cyrus to not fall in love with him. And now, he had to tell  _ Jonah  _ that, and Jonah was the last person to whom he wanted to explain that.

The first thing breaking the silence once they got outside was, “Is everything okay?”

He wanted to yell. He wanted to cry. He wanted to do so many things, the biggest thing was yelling in his face. But he didn't. He didn’t do anything other than take a deep breath and prepare the words he had been holding back for over a year.

He tried to come up with a good way to say it, but all that came out was, “No.”

“What’s wrong?”  _ You.  _ It should’ve been easy to tell him. All he had to do was say the words and all of it would be over. They would never be able to go back to normal, but maybe they would be able to retain some sort of normality. Maybe they could make a new normal; one in which Cyrus was over Jonah and could rant to him about his new crushes. One in which he wasn’t filled with the constant need to hold Jonah’s hand and sit close to him. And most importantly, one in which he was okay. Happy. Free.

He had been locked up in his mind for way too long in the prison cell of loving someone who didn’t love him back -- and never would. His entire existence was surrounding his unrequited feelings, and he couldn’t bring himself to think of anyone - or any _ thing  _ \- else. All he had to do was tell Jonah and then he could begin to heal. That was the only way to finally take the breath of air that he had been needing for all this time. The only way he could allow himself to feel free again. 

But he didn’t.

Instead, he said, “I don’t think we can be friends anymore.” His mind yelled at him. It told him to stop being a coward. It told him to be honest, regardless of what the outcome would be. But his mouth seemed to be completely detached from his brain. The signals wouldn’t translate properly. His words were an entity of their own.

“Wh-” Jonah started, hardly able to form words. “Why not?”

_ Tell him you like him. _

“I just think it would be better for us to not talk anymore.”  _ Liar. _

“Cyrus-”

_ Imagine being so self-destructive that you ruin your friendship because you’re scared of getting let down. Oh, wait! You are. _

“I’m gonna… go,” Cyrus said, lifting himself up from the bench. Before he could walk away, Jonah grabbed onto his wrist, yet again sending the familiar electricity through him. “Jonah.”

“Just tell me what’s wrong.”.  _ Can you really not tell?  _ Cyrus thought he had been beyond obvious, and he had hoped that maybe him walking away would speak the words that he would never be able to say out loud. Apparently, the universe was adamant about making it even more difficult for him.

“Fine, Jonah. I like you. Is that what you wanted to hear?” Of all the ways he had thought about this moment over the months, this was far from how he was expecting it to go. He used to think maybe we could tell him while staring up at the clouds, or while Jonah was teaching him to skateboard, or on one of their trips to the Spoon during tater theatre. But instead, he was telling him in the middle of a fight -- in the middle of trying to end their friendship before things inevitably got worse.

At first, they stayed friends. It was never going to be the same version of normal again, but that’s always to be expected. There’s nothing like telling someone something  _ that  _ important in the middle of a fight. Day after day passed, their friendship slowly burning towards being strangers again.

Their last conversation, in hindsight, was painful, yet they didn’t even realize at the time that it would be their last. You never know when your last encounter with someone will be until you register you haven’t spoken to them in a long time. Final conversations aren’t always eventful. Sometimes they’re dull and meaningless, and that’s exactly how it was for Jonah and Cyrus.

It was a small pass by in the hallway. They acknowledged each other with a slight “hey,” but nothing else. All of their years of friendship came to a close - not with a  _ goodbye _ , but with  _ hello. _


End file.
